Welcome to Charlie Chatter!
As the clock struck twelve on the 31st January 2016, I was faced with a lot of anxiety about the new year. Soon school would start again, I would have to make big choices in my life - including my GCSE's and I kinda freaked out a little! Everything was new and different and I didn't know how I felt about any of it. Do you ever feel like the world is rushing past you and you're not enjoying it to the full? Or maybe your buried under work or pressure at school? Last year I had a lot of school tests, most not big enough to really matter, but they still left my mind spinning. Rather than sharing it with my friends and family, or you guys, I kept it locked all inside me, panicking, panicking, panicking. **WARNING** **WARNING** Not such a good idea. I had a major panic attack and felt pretty miserable about December (the best frigging month of the year) So when the thought of going back to school rose in my mind again, I felt pretty bummed. And not just because that meant earlier mornings either!
Usually I like to keep this space open and light-hearted; a little get away from the world and reality and I hope that you feel that way too, but for this 2017 I felt like sharing something about me. Hopefully, this will inspire all of you guys to face your fears too, so here I go!
Even when I was little I always think that I've had this anxiety in me although I showed it in different ways. I often felt physically sick with worry at even the thought of doing something I was scared of. Now as a teenager, this worry comes in the form of cramps (though not the ones you're thinking of.) To me, its my way of getting out of a situation I don't like or feel comfortable in, which I'm now told is common in lots of anxiety sufferers. Recently I've been having my first few panic attacks and they were really scary. I tried to face my fear, but sometimes even going out to meet with friends was tough. As much as I wanted to come back and hide under my duvet, there were (and are) so many things in my life that needed to be addressed. As a thirteen year old, I am in the 0 percentile and am severely underweight. I'm not anorexic or bulimic, just skinny and my crazy-cramp stomach wasn't giving much help either. I felt pressured by my family to eat more, but always stayed skinny and soon it became just another one of my list of things to worry about. Although I wasn't alone at school and had many other friends who were small and skinny, I felt isolated from everyone and couldn't find any way to let out all of this unease. When I was offered therapy, I thought that going to a shrink was another way of saying "I'm crazy!" but really it was a lot more than that. Much to my disappointment, when I shared in a friend, I was left hanging and no one understood. I begun to feel even more tense, but writing here today showed me that I don't have to feel ashamed at wanting to help me.
Maybe you're not an anxiety sufferer, or even completely the opposite, but feel free to share below in the comments and tell me what your afraid of or whats getting you down this 2017. 2016 kind of sucked so let's make this 2017 the best year yet.
Lots of Love,
Charlie Chatter xoxo
